It all started a little over a month ago, towards the end of the first month of the new year...when my muscles started aching. Having taken dance two days a week and started doing yoga once a week, at first, this seemed nothing out of the ordinary for me. I had become accustomed to the familiar pain in my muscles and to me, it meant I was accomplishing my goal of getting stronger and healthier...or so I thought.
That is, until...I woke up from a dead sleep at around 4am on January 24th from severe muscle pain, all over my entire body. Despite increasing pain a few days before, I had pushed myself through my hip hop dance class just two days earlier. I knew that was a mistake right after the class but that was nothing I couldn't handle with some Tylenol and my strong will. So I went to work the next day even though I felt terribly achy. I somehow made it through the entire day thinking that with some good rest, I would be as good as new in no time. Little did I know.
Back to 4am the next night...upon waking, I immediately knew something had to be VERY wrong. I regretfully called in to work sick (something I hate to do) and made a doctor's appointment for as soon as they could take me in that day. It took a great deal of effort to get myself dressed and drive myself there. Upon the routine check, my doctor noticed my thyroid gland was swollen and it hurt so bad when she touched it that I got faint and had to lie down. I hadn't even noticed that it was swollen up until then and it kinda freaked me out. She ordered blood tests and scheduled me an ultrasound with endocrinology.
My mom came down the next day since I quickly became weak and in so much pain (even with meds) that I couldn't do anything myself. Needless to say my blood test results came back with dangerously high thyroid levels. I quickly spiraled even more downhill and we decided it was time to go in to the ER at around 5am on Monday morning since I could no longer sit up on my own without her help and my pain was excruciating. My mom actually wanted to call me an ambulance but I was too headstrong to do anything of the sort. At any rate, we somehow made it on our own.
After 12 hours in the ER, more tests and fears beginning to overwhelm me like a flood, the diagnosis finally came: Thyroiditis. Something I had never heard of before and something I pray I never have again. Basically, my thyroid gland suddenly became inflamed to the point where you could see the entire gland protruding through my throat. The doctors call this a goiter. It is shaped just like a butterfly but this one is not so cute. Among other things, the gland controls your metabolism, hormones, mood, heart, blood pressure, muscles, and body's temperature regulation (is there anything it doesn't control?). From what I understand (which is still very little), my thyroid became swollen and released all it's hormones into my body and bloodstream at once.
Thus my levels were off the charts high (hyperthyroid). Then, since it now was so inflamed and my body was filled with all these TSH hormones, it completely stopped working altogether. The doctors don't know what causes it exactly and really have no cure for it. You just have to let it run it's course. According to my endocrinologist, this lasts around 21 days at the least. Mine has lasted longer than that. Eventually, when the inflammation subsides, the thyroid usually goes back to working normally. In some cases, it can stay too low (hypothyroid) or it can go too high (hyperthyroid). Only time will tell what mine will do. I am obviously praying it goes back to normal.
My body was basically running at full speed ahead, 110 percent, 24/7 from the onset. Thus, I experienced the severe muscle pain (which was my biggest symptom and still has not fully gone away...though it's getting much better), extreme weakness, light-headedness and nauseous upon standing, high heart rate and palpitations, weight loss (which if you know me, I don't have much weight to lose and I was very suddenly down to nothing despite eating regularly), low grade fever, hot flashes, sweating more than normal, and also a hard time swallowing because of my swollen gland. Blah, blah, blah....I know....either you are thinking TMI and don't care or I have bored you all too much, so I hope that you are still reading because I'm getting to the best part, so hang in there :)
Because alas, I did not write this blog to talk about my medical problem or to be a downer. No, no, no. Quite the opposite...here I am now, beginning to see the light at the end of a dark tunnel and on my way to full health. I also believe that God is not watching life on earth happen from afar and is uninvolved but that He is sovereign, knows the number of hairs on my head (and yours too for that matter), and cares about everything we go through. Scripture, life experience, knowledge, and my longtime relationship with God has convinced me time and again that this is true. Therefore, this did not happen to me by accident. God had/has things to teach me and maybe even others, through me. With way too much time on my hands, I have decided to write and share a list of the things I have recently learned for your benefit/entertainment/laughter/encouragement/and whatever else you may get from it....so hold on to your hats and glasses cuz this here's the wildest ride...just kidding...here we go:
1. The smallest things can have the largest impact. Thyroid glands are not very big but control pretty much all of how the body runs. Like the little pedal on a car that we rely on to make a car go and stop on time. If that goes, you are toast.
2. There is an actual Dr. Yang who works in the ER except, this doctor is a he and not at Seattle Grace but at Kaiser Woodland Hills. I almost asked him if he was related to Cristina but my instincts told me that he wouldn't have found the question amusing...so I refrained.
3. You can actually swallow a radioactive iodine pill and survive with no side effect. Just make sure you don't touch it first. When I tried to put it in my hand, the nurse just about flipped and told me to just pour it from the bottle into my mouth and swallow. It was not ok to touch it and there was a hazard symbol on the little bottle holding this special pill. No joke. I thought I was going to turn into spider-man. A little disappointed that I did not get any superpowers afterwards.
4. Some friends are VERY against drugs or doctors or hospitals of any kind and are not afraid to say so. However, I found that drugs can be awesome and doctors, nurses and hospitals to be life-savers. Say NO to drugs when it's for recreation. When you are in dire pain, I say heck yeah!
5. Guy nurses rock. My ER nurse Brett cracked jokes and made me laugh and also had such tender compassion. He came right away every time I called for him, never once complained, re-assured me that I was going to be ok and treated me better than any of the doctors I saw. Too bad he was my mom's age and married.
6. On that note, Kaiser also has an extremely handsome extern nurse who draws blood in the lab. He was so cute that I could hardly look him in the eye and my face turned as red as it gets upon first sight. Thanks to my mom's persistence, she found out that he has a girlfriend and was unavailable.
7. I now know how to Say Yes to the Dress, if that time ever comes for me.
8. I also learned how to make amazing cakes, thanks to the Cake Boss. In theory.
9. Being 16 and pregnant makes for quite the good drama show.
10. I know now what Not to Wear. Not saying I won't keep wearing them...until I get my own $5,000 gift card to shop for a whole new wardrobe...I will have to suffice with what I got.
11. I cry at almost every episode of 7th heaven or Touched by an Angel. Now I know how to trigger myself for an audition where crying is needed. Awesome.
12. The best way to fall asleep is watching Friends. I have become deluded into thinking that they are really in my life and we know each other quite well. They make me laugh and I love them. I also really want their apartment with the awesome colors and amazing window and balcony. Too bad it's not real.
13. Having something wrong with your body and not knowing what it is can be a true test of where your faith is at. You have probably heard it said that it's easy to talk the talk, but can you really walk the walk? I have been a Christian for most of my life and been through a lot. Yet, doubts still can and do come. There was a moment when I felt complete fear begin to overtake me. It showed me that I'm honestly not as faith filled as I'd like to be. Which leads me to my next point...
14. It is in honesty and weakness that God can show Himself strong and faithful. The beautiful thing about that moment of fear is that it felt like a holy moment. The opposite of what you would think. I felt that it was at that moment when I broke down that God could then step in and be the redeemer that He is. The Lord truly is close to the broken-hearted. Within minutes of this time, the answer of my diagnosis came. Relief.
15. I realized that my faith is more about God's work than my own. It's about surrender and relationship. Coming to Him as you are and not as you wish you were. It's in allowing those vulnerable places of our heart to be seen that we learn to trust.
16. I got so caught up in the day-to-day busyness that has become my life, that I started to lose myself. This American culture that we live in is go, go, go....all the time. If I am not busy, I usually start to feel guilty. This ordeal has forced me to stop literally everything in my life. It gave me a whole new perspective that I hope I don't soon forget when I go back to my full time activities. God made us to take time to rest. To reflect on Him and our lives. I want to do more of that (just not forced and in pain).
17. Being able to get up, go to the bathroom, brush your teeth, shower, get dressed, work, drive, exercise, cook, do laundry, dishes, and the list goes on...is a gift. I couldn't do any of them on my own for a while and I don't take it for granted. Whether you are having a good or a bad day, count your blessings. I know that's cliche to say but it's really true.
18. Be willing to learn from others and ask as well as receive their help when you need it (or even if you think you don't). This is a hard one. I can be as stubborn as a mule and have a hard time being open to others opinions, especially if it was unwanted advice. I want to be a better listener because I know that there is still so much more that I have to learn.
19. I have some wonderfully awesome friends and family who are there for me when I need it. Special thanks to: Rocio who brought me over dinner twice (without me even asking her); my brother for coming all the way from Newport Beach just to visit and spend time with me and who also brought me a nice bouquet of flowers; to Jemima who surprised me by sending a beautiful bouquet of flowers that were delivered to my door; to my cousin Cori who came over several times to visit and gave me a cute bear with Hershey's kisses; to my grandma Nane who gave me a pretty little rose bush plant and sweet card; to my other grandma Ma-mom who called to check on me and let me know she was praying for me daily; to my co-worker friend Ann who sent me a generous gift card to Islands with a get well card; to my work for sending me a get-well card signed by many co-workers at my job; to a family friend Timm who drove out to take my mom, me and my cousin to a special dinner on Valentine's Day; to my church family, several of whom have sent me texts and messages letting me know they were praying for me and there if I needed anything; to my friend Jean who brought me a giant dark chocolate bar from Trader Joe's and came over a couple times to visit; and to my friends, Caren, Sarah A., and Betsi who all came to visit me at different times even though I couldn't do much of anything. Thank you all!
20. My mom is amazing and I don't know how I could have gone through this without her. She has been taking care of me when I could no longer take care of myself. She has gone above and beyond anything I could ever ask for. I truly am blessed.
Ok, so I'm going to stop there because this went from silly and funny to serious to becoming more like a thank you speech and I don't want to bore anyone further. Thanks for reading and I hope you all got something out of it. With love until the next blog...
